My "Living in the Sky" is not meant to say that life is fluffy. It often isn't. Nor to say that I'm way UP HERE and everything else is below somewhere... I have gotten calluses from having my face in the dirt, A LOT.
It is only to say that I have given in to the River, the river of life and things that are, were, and things that are yet to pass. After reading the wonderful Eat, Pray, Love (thank you Clare and Dawn for your simultaneous coincidental suggestions) I realize there are others out there who have had the All is One experience and realize humans have so little, and yet so much, to do with the workings all around us. Baffling, it is. Sometimes.
Which leads me to now be able to tell you how scary life in the sky can be. The lowest limits of the bottom of the barrel sank over a week ago for me. OOPS I couldn't find a job before my unenjoyment ran out. Sorry, you had your chance...
Humor, love, hope... all seem so far away right now. I live, it seems, for pictures from Florida, all your stories, poems, watching Ames move halfway across the country... and I have been doing all THAT for a long time, but now I'm avoiding thinking about the bank repo-ing the truck, having to buy food at the Dollar Store, and heaven forbid... look for someone who can take care of The Boys. I dunno what life would be like without my horses. I don't wanna know.
Thank goodness I live in a place rent-free and I get a hundred bucks a month for VA Disability (egads) but my injury continues to worsen, and (I didn't want to tell everyone) looks like I may need surgery (good ol' VA) for either my spinal injury or the carpel tunnel that it is causing so bad that the docs want to schedule me now. Every day of stall mucking and sweeping is murder on my hands and arms, but if all I have to pay for my livelihood, and my life, is pain, I've got that in spades.
There are some nice people at the unemployment and VA places who I've been talking to and who may be able to help me somehow, starting with food stamps. I'm sure I'll feel better next week. When I (gulp) turn 40. If anyone has any smile-makers, now is the time people (I saw the baby and dog on Rocket's blog, and have already cheered for the Big Blue Crab)...
How funny - I'm also reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and so grateful the librarian shoved it in my hands. Somehow, it was silently known that I need to read that book.
ReplyDeleteI'm not nearly in the same boat as you are, but I feel your frustration. Tonight I had to file for financial aid for...ya ready for this? Girl Scouts! Yeah, I can't afford to keep my daughter in GS anymore! I never knew they had this financial aid available and already I've been told to mark "PAID" on one activity sheet and "someone" will take care of the cost for me.
I cry when people do nice things for me...like I don't deserve it or something. But my daughter deserves the entire world and she's why I'm learning to accept help from others.
Hang in there, is all I can say. People take care of people, even when you don't know it's happening. Take care :)
Sending good thoughts.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
thank you, and thank you... =0)
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