There has been a pattern I've noticed, while reviewing many experiences lately. I call it The Gap.
There is, for instance, a gap between our synapses, where a flood of molecules make the leap, mill about in a snow-globe type structure, and eventually land on a sensor/receptor, whose function is to read the room and adjust accordingly. It is how chemistry is orchestrated for varying effects. I just wonder why the extra step, an indirect sampling of a soup to see when it's ready for the next stage. It is a curiosity.
The time between a stomach becoming full and the sensor alerting fullness. A fact of about 20 minutes, but ... again, so indirect, slow to be responsive, instead of what I imagine could be a streamlined, immediate and efficient system. Just a curiosity.
There are other types of gaps.
An article was titled, Why are People so Obsessed with Their Individuality? which sounds like a question a robot would ask. The corporations, medicine, and government entities have made us all into Bell curves, and only pay attention to the middle. My question would be, why are all the agencies we are required to deal with so obsessed with our homogeny?
Another gap, this one in understanding.
My brother was badly injured at work, and required months off for rehabilitation. During that time, the agency responsible for disbursing his benefits and resources failed to correctly put the paperwork through, so it took almost 2 months to get what he was supposed to get in 2 weeks. Even during his recovery, his employer had counted some of that time inaccurately, which needed addressing to retain benefits he was due. His friends wondered why he didn't get a second job the time he was off.
So many gaps.
When the State of California learned my mother had a disabled "child" (the term they use no matter the age) who applied for her death benefits, they required me to fill out loads of forms, doctor's info, and even travel for a hearing, only my injuries were from the Gulf War in the Army, and the state does not recognize any Veteran documentation, evidence, diagnoses, or treatment. They said I would need to undergo an evaluation by a Social Security doctor, but they had no responsibility to do so. They kept the money from the sale of her house when she died, out of the hands of a service-connected, permanently and totally disabled person, injured during a war, homeless and in need. Even my doctor, a medical director for an entire county and trained in both Western and Naturopathic medicine, the one who accidentally found the meningioma 2 yrs ago, opted out of treating me any longer, telling me my head surgery made her uncomfortable to have as a patient. "You are beyond my healing arts," she told me twice. I asked her to recommend a primary care with as much training as needed for a case like mine, to take over. No answer yet, in over a year.
Like I said. Gaps.
Many, many instances, going over decades. Everyone has them. It's just that in my diminishing abilities leave me with more time than most have, to review the impetus and response. Trace your own situations, keep track of the chain of custody of the responsibility potato. My brother has the triple threat of being nice, good looking, and perseverant. He got those stuck balls rolling. He had a great advocate, himself. His abilities and disabilities were of such a combination that he could be present to consistently make it to the places he needed to go to get stuff done. Homeless disables have difficulty self advocating, in that the somatic involvement often prevents timely interaction with agencies who do not recognize disabilities more than the law makes them, in providing access. My car tabs were late due to months of seizing, but the state said being on one's deathbed, even a literal one, was not reason enough to waive the $125 late fee.
Try going one day with a single hand, or arm. Do you want to thank a Vet for their service? Wish to connect with the disabled population? Find a way to help, instead of excuses for why things get in the way. One arm, one leg, the inability to pee the way we were born to... those don't disappear with excuses. Those who are supposed to help and treat turn us away: "We don't serve Vets." How many times I have heard this. Moreover, it is nothing to the disease where a person received injury, so being a neglected veteran is no worse in my book than being a neglected civilian - civilians have fewer resources and no governmental advocacy (which is hard to claim still AS a vet, but even so). My counselor reminded me that all the accessibility we see isn't out of the goodness of anyone's heart -- it came from years of legal battles for acknowledgement of the impact on our daily lives. We have to not only adapt and overcome our struggles that never used to be any struggle at all, we have to fight our HR, our insurance, even city hall! Remind me to write about the time the city illegally stalked and towed my RV, swindling me for hundreds of dollars until we faced off in court). Nobody can ever tell me this country loves its veterans. I would have to ignore every intersection I have had with authorities, companies, even some so-called friends. All of them wanted more from me than literally my body would allow, and I could never measure up, never be enough. They punished me with their absence, then their silence. There was the difference between what they thought I could do, and reality.
Another gap.
Attrition works wonders. Add to your mantra: Evil Must Be Opposed. Say NO. Always be maintaining or improving your well-being. If it is the season to rest, rest! If it is the season to shop, make choices, travel -- make the determination! Frequently check with actual facts, and stay the true course, no matter how many corrections you make to the trajectory. No sailor set sail and expected the ship to navigate itself to the destination. You need to be at the helm of your boat! We allow ourselves to be distracted to the point of loss of self. RESCUE yourself. Let no harm come to you, or those around you. Recuse your person, if that is what you need.
When you are not allowed to say NO, are no longer free to make your own decisions and choose the consequences, that is slavery, says our brother Sadhguru. You must at least be free inside, happy with yourself, regardless of the exterior drudgery and hard living we are born into. I agree that beings are only beings when they have the agency to express their being-ness in their way. Anyone who lays claim to a being because of where it is born or some other random circumstance, seeks power over others, to mine others' time and effort for their own gain, to the detriment of the individual who is used up and discarded. It is easy enough for anyone to measure their leadership against farmers of animal crops. Don't know about you, but I'm tired of feeling farmed, fed, fumigated, failed and flogged.
There is a gap between what the world wants from you and what is healthy for you.
Please, please, mind THAT gap. It can get in the way of our inner contentment, which is how we find / sustain enlightenment! Engage in the Primal Union described in the Tao te Ching, and find contentment within yourself -- because to be enlightened really only means to find the Greatest Love of All. But have you built a foundation to hold space for it? Or did you think you could just touch it once, and it would solve everything? There is a reason the Masters conditioned their disciples. There is a harmonic to enlightenment that requires a steady heart -- it can throw your old life completely out the window like an old priest. And continue to do so until you uncover the programming nugget hidden like a pearl of personal wisdom in your shell. As my friend says -- When you're going through hell -- KEEP GOING.
You can be at peace in your own life, a kind that surpasses all understanding.
