Tell me, honeys...

Why is it when I decide to get more organized, things seem to get more complicated? Figuratively AND literally.

I straighten some things in my room; more stuff comes in from seemingly nowhere (when really it's just from the truck, or out of the horse trailer tack room and finding non-horsey items). I straighten things out in my closet, and find more stuff in my room that seems to just have a tangling orgy when I'm not looking!
When I need more light to see what the hell I'm doing, what used to be pleasant (my pink party bulb in my nightstand lamp) is suddenly nowhere NEAR enough.

Buddha might say that it is my WANTING of these things that brings their opposite.

Zen is being at peace with shadow and chaos as much as light and order.

I can see those things. But, BUT I really like finding things I'm looking for, and not pulling out cat's food bag, a sock, and a roll of TP when I'm only fishing out my laptop power cord... I want to be able to depend on things that I spend time and money into maintaining. I guess I really am attached to those expectations. Not knowing if your stove, your car, your PLANS are going to work... we really couldn't function if those things didn't go as expected at least some, or most of the time!


What if you had to? Our worlds get turned upside down all the time. If not us directly, then people we know. What if you lost your mate, then a month later your job, and then one of your cats, and your RV catches on fire... then your brother disowns you, and a longtime friend decides she likes her life better without you in it... and while you are moving you lose what's left of your belongings from the divorce... well, I'm being slightly redundant. That saga needed installations, for any who missed it the first time: parts One, Two, Three, Four, my Awakening and Hell Night.

We don't really OWN anything, do we, darlings!?

That is the test, when our stuff dispossesses US. That's when you know. What would you need for your basic survival? Your friends, family - who can you count on? It's not pleasant (especially in February) but think of it, honeys. Just for a moment.

Because of my experiences, and their proximity to each other, I feel aged, but closer to wisdom; jaded, but free. Free to see things as they really are, because what I wanted would have none of it! I'm not talking about wanting a diamond ring, or a kitten, or a house... I took Sheryl Crow to heart: "It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got!" ~That was me! I was satisfied.


Whether jaded or free (or both?), I know now that the future, much like the silhouettes of those giant trees across the street in the evening fog, is only lovely because it's edges are still fuzzy.


(P.S. ~ I know that sounds fatalistic. It really isn't supposed to be. What needs saying too is that the rest is up to YOU!)