Mid-morning. He comes over, after everyone in the house has gone. We walk for hours, the two of us, ignoring that we are spending time with each other when our own loved ones are missing out. There is beauty, understanding, unspoken feelings that just seem right...
We hate them, we shame and shun them, sometimes we may say, You Go Girl, but we always hope she stays away from who belongs to us.
Why, you ask, when I have one at home who I love, and loves me in return? What sense does it make? Is it possible that I need more than just one? They aren't even the same sex.
Well, when you see this face, maybe you will be in love too...
Yes, Meathead. But Meatie belongs to someone else. Meatie himself does not even care to go home when he is with me. He stays for sometimes days, even when I beg him to go home.
We go on our long walks... and this is the only view I get.
When I open the door in the morning, he is there, in the front yard, waiting to escort me on whatever business I have for the day.
Even when I'm cleaning stalls, he sits overlooking the valley where the puma and bear live, and says, No-one is going to harm you on my watch.
He hears the shrill voice of a woman calling him home when she discovers he's out roaming again.
He just turns and asks, Where are we going next? He loves me better.
Sometimes I feel so torn. Torn that I have to leave him outside when I eventually finish my duties outside. Torn when he sits at one door after another, knowing I am inside, whining to let him in from the cold. The cold air, the cold cement stoop, the cold woman who will chain him up the moment he goes back home.
Then there is Mew. How can I continue seeing him, spending all my time outside, when she is in here, ready to yell at me for being out... Why so long? she screams, in that crotchety, old-smoker, my-vocal-chords-are-going-out voice of hers. Then again, there are moments like these: What is a human to do?!?
But. I will say that due to some thoughts and realizations of late, I have decided (coincidentally at the turn of the year) to only purchase groceries that come in no packaging, or recyclable packaging. There are so many options nowadays that I just flat refuse to throw one more thing in the trash. Because I am a very visual person and can see my backyard piling up with teabags, Trader Joe's Moochi packages, the seemingly innocuous plastic wrappers inside the recyclable cardboard... I'm DONE!
I'll use what is in my cupboard, but from now on I'm gonna be that crazy lady you see in the bulk food aisle, wearing the fashionably co-ordinated and colorful clothing, bringing her own bags to pick out fruits and veggies, the glass container that has been weighed at the checkout stand beforehand so the cashier can subtract the weight from the price of the goodies inside... remember in all the westerns how people had boxes to put all their sundries in? How nobody, once proudly astride their steeds, ever just rode around tossing fast-food containers and candy bar wrappers in the streets? Well. Call me .... whatever. Maybe it's living on the farm. Maybe it's the roommates' constant drivel about composting (howabout you EAT what you COOK) and who is going to take the bucket down to the composter by the barn. Maybe it's having vegetarian horses. Maybe it's becoming more aware of living a simpler life. Maybe it's my watching the old episodes of Kung Fu (and writing a book of the great quotes therein).
Lots of changes in just the last couple months, some people are beating the big C, some are moving away from the past and going forward with their future (even if it isn't in Florida) and some have loved and lost... others are finding themselves, and continue to explore what it means to be parents. And people. Just plain people.