Of Leather and Horseflesh

It's that time of year again! Crispety, crunchety leaves all a-swirl as the chilly wind casts snowfalls of brilliant colors around your feet...

You curry your four-legged friend, using a step stool if you have to, to get all the dust and grit you can from under the saddle blanket. He sidesteps with anticipation as you come around the trailer with his tack, and you let him sniff it and begin to chew out of recognition, signaling he knows what this is and that he is relaxed about it. He doesn't even flinch when a stirrup falls over the side, and is still as you work your way around and under, straightening and attaching and cinching. At last you slide the hack up and around his nose, over the ears, and clasp the cheek strap. Step stool ahoy, you slide your foot in the stirrup and flip a leg over in one graceful move, then nose your other toe in the other stirrup. Smooth pets down the side of his neck tell him thank you for agreeing to do this again. The two of you walk around, doing some drills to see if there is any soreness, stiff limbs, or emotional ghosts hiding in the closet. It's amazing how sometimes the most familiar things can become frightening because of something that happened that day - to the both of you - so we scare them out into the open and watch them vanish.



It doesn't take long for the scent of hot horse hair to begin emanating, mixing with the leather rigging, the neoprene belly band, and the fleecy saddle pad, wafting its way up through your nostrils and out the top of your soul, a giant imaginary flag set to winds unseen. You ride through the wide open spaces, beside the gurgling waters of yesterday's torrent, until the inner darkness between young trees begins to disappear the details of the forest, and vapor breath creates dew on long whiskers. The end of the day is coming, and he walks with the swagger and grace of a half-drunken dancer up to the trailer and stands there after you dismount with no need of being tied as you peel off the sensitive layers that comforted the ride on skin and bones for the both of you. Naked and free, he begins to graze at your feet, and you pick up your brush to whisk his aura clean, walking behind him step for step while you comb through the long, variegated strands of his tail. The last golden rays outline each member of the herd dotting the hill, as they connect again to the ancient rituals of their ancestors.

Let's Get Started!

Oy VEY, what a couple of weeks this has been!

Travel across country. Interview and get job. Find out the immense training requirements that need fulfilled. Cat diagnosed with unknown tumor. Can't afford pathology so wait and see what happens. Sift through what's left of stuff from not being employed last three years to see what I can bring with me. Move to Seattle. A horse goes lame. VERY lame. Vets want like $500 to find out what's wrong (and then talk about what it would cost to get him better). Can't do that either, so wait and see what happens. Meanwhile the nerve damage from my neck makes my arms tantamount to useless and turns my hands into more like paws. Brain works about 60% of time, and saw fit to just open the pasture gate and let the horses out to run up the driveway. Half a mile later, I recapture... you get the idea.

And Monday is an early day, first day of the rest of my job. Cross your fingers!

Thank you Washington, D.C. !

Whew! Big trip, lovies! and bigger interview.

Apparently there is this seemingly little-known veteran's organization (to me) although it is 90 years old and the third largest of its kind. The Disabled American Veterans is a private, federally-chartered organization whose mission is to better the lives of all disabled vets and their families. There is SO much they do, one must really check out their website for the variety of services, not to mention the colorful history. As for me, I have begun my long haul of training, which will include doctor-level anatomy and physiology, attorney-level veterans' benefits laws, and also some public speaking and legislative writing.

One week I may find myself interviewing soldiers just returning from the Middle East for any possible claims processing, the next week I may be giving a speech in state or federal Congress proposing yet another new law, while the following week I may be riding with fellow service officers in a mobile office motorhome in the nooks and crannies of our great nation seeking veterans who may still need help.

They say not a day will go by that I won't have helped at least one person better their situation. Most days it will be several. I know this, mine will now be among them.

One Hour Photo

One hour! maybe more! The "housemates" are grocery shopping... that's an hour of travel time at least, then add the shopping cart paces...

Yippee! I want to run around nekked... I want to dig into the ice cream... I want to cut my hair and see if anyone notices... play loud music... put in a sappy movie... make a mess...

Alas, there is something wrong with the music files (all digital) :o( and I promised myself I wouldn't have ice cream for a couple weeks. And, well... I just did cut my hair a few days ago and they have yet to notice...

It is not enough time. After months of being pinned to other human beings 24/7, an hour is just not enough time. One of those multi-day vacations, maybe. Where you can read your book in the bathtub and nobody comes in to pee next to you. Where not even the cat can reach you when she wants some milk out of the refrigerator. That's more like it.

Maybe I'll set up the tent. :oP

... And We're Back.

This installation includes a delightful selection of philosophy from Moshe Feldenkrais, from Awareness Through Movement. First published in 1972, it contains timeless snippets of wisdom with that distinctive air as only belongs to our elder, less commercialized predecessors.

But first, the news. I've been wondering if from time to time my random imaginings should again make it to print. Of course it's really great when people acknowledge them, and I love commenting on others' pages too, but I believe there was a time when sending my bottled messages into the aether did spike a feeling of loneliness for me. Little did I realize the messages coming back just weren't the same form in which I sent them. I've missed my blogging buddies and reading their precious insights. So here I am. Now, back to our story.

As many may be aware, the Feldenkrais method teaches that "As verbal abstraction becomes more successful and more efficient, man's thinking and imagination become further estranged from his feelings, senses, and even movements" but can be brought back into touch by certain motions (also poignantly illustrated in The Tao of Equus by Linda Kohanov, another favorite book). Leading to these exercises are a mere 60 pages, replete with stunningly keen observations, some of which follow:

The essential flaw in education as we know it today is that it is based on ancient and often primitive practices whose equalizing purpose was neither conscious nor clear. This flaw has its advantage since, having no defined purpose other than to mold individuals who will not be social misfits, education does not always succeed entirely in suppressing self-education.

Nobody knows the purpose of life, and the education that each generation passes on to the succeeding one is no more than a continuation of the habits of thought of the prevailing generation. Life has been a harsh struggle since the beginning of mankind; nature is not kind to creatures lacking awareness. Under such conditions of strain, education is improved only to the extent that is necessary and possible in order to bring up a new generation able to replace the old one under more or less similar conditions.

Still reading? This blew the stuffing out of me:

The basic biological tendency of any organism to grow and develop to its fullest extent has been largely governed by social and economic revolutions that improved living conditions for the majority and enabled greater numbers to reach a minimum of development (emphasis mine). Under these conditions basic potential development ceased in early adolescence because the demands of society enabled the members of the young generation to be accepted as useful individuals at the minimum stage.

The negative aspect of learning to achieve aims is that we tend to stop learning when we have mastered sufficient skills to attain our immediate objective. Thus, for instance, we improve our speech until we can make ourselves understood. But any person who wishes to speak with the clarity of an actor discovers that he must study speech for several years in order to achieve anything approaching his maximum potential in this direction. An intricate process of limiting ability accustoms man to make do with 5 percent of his potential without realizing that his development has been stunted.

How is such a vicious circle created, which at one and the same time stunts men's powers, yet permits them to feel reasonable self-satisfied for all that they have limited themselves to, a small proportion of their capacities? It is a curious situation.

Curious indeed. 'Til next time, lovies.

Peace and Love are Where We Make Them

Hello, lovies.

Popping in after a long ol' time.

Admittedly I've had much fun with this blog and come to find more people who resonate with this pea-and-lizard-brained life of mine, sometimes using it as a confessional (see last post) - and by the way, have been riding the horses lately, without incident or hint of trouble, and LOVING IT!! There is nothing like the smell of a warm furry horse on a chilled autumn ride. Happiness.

I have ceased to write about the drama in my life b/c I thought giving it an audience would hasten it's departure. (Did I use that apostrophe correctly? Possessive, right? sheesh) But it keeps happening, and I'm questioning the Taoist principle that focusing on the negative seems to bring more negative...

Have been out of work for over two years, doing everything and anything I can to keep this little family of mine together, the cat and the boys and sometimes Jeremy too... and I can only say that bad things happen. To good people, to bad, in-between, or however we're feeling that day.

Roommie trouble, living with ex-in laws (oh boy!) and getting run off a horse boarding property by a crazy drunk... ahhh, there is too much to tell. A decent friendship just blown off, not ending but not continued... such are the ways of the world, I suppose. Sadness everywhere, on everyone's face from one time to another. How can people constantly choose to live this way? I see joy in sunlight, blessing from rain, love in a chickadee eating berries off the vine. This is also everywhere I look.

I just don't understand why people must endure needless suffering. Or cause it in another.
But I'm letting it go.

Now.

Dashboard Confessional.

He goes by many names.
Here, especially, he's Wind In His Tail. His registered name is Joe Cool, but due to his bloodline I had redubbed him (quite unofficially) War Dancer (coming from - of all beings - Man O War and another later, lovely beast Native Dancer). Due to his extreme personality at times I have renamed him War Child, and at his worst War Criminal. Ha. Otherwise we just call him Happy.

Yes, literally, he has a smiley on his shoulder. And you've probably already seen the heart on his butt. He does have a LOT of heart, a big one, but that belies his nature to misbehave at any opportunity. Recently I've had an opportunity to take him camping and riding with some friends and, during his refresher courses, he has demonstrated his more apt moniker, Demon Child.

Not only has he fractured one of J's fingers by getting the leadrope tangled and jerking him about, he has many times pounded us on the top of our noggins with his steely chin, shouldered us into walls, posts, and other such, but the last in this string was him beginning to paw the ground (just being haltered in the stall was evidently an outrage) except the top of my hoof - sorry, my VERY human FOOT - directly in the path of the downward forceful strike.

So ONCE AGAIN I had to face the inevitable decision, as I had already thrice before, to keep or to find a home? Four times have I been thrown by this animal. Once resulted in concussion. My foot has looked like this a few times, one or the other. He acts like a racing stallion the minute I walk in the barn. Tearing back and forth from the outside to the inside stall, barely able to contain himself to be haltered, then it's the circus to the field...

Yes, babies, believe me I don't make it easy for him to act like this. He gets LOTS of ground training, backing up, circles, a few lashes of leadrope across his front legs when he strikes out and rears up.. I have had training, he has had training (and been TERRIFIC) we've done the natural horse-person-ship along with a more agressive (ahem..) Cowboy style (not proud, already told you this is a confessional..) with smacks on the snout for biting me on purpose (I know, I know, they say to never do that!) but if ANY of this worked for ONE SINGLE SECOND don't you think it would have in the last three years?? I've even ridden him around this beautiful property a couple times (he is much, much better under saddle.. riddle me that!?!) and yes, loves to have a job - needs to be doing something, for sure. But time after time, he is just. too. much. for me to handle on a daily basis, so he ends up in the field bugging the other horses.

Yes, he doesn't even treat THEM right. Not responsive to typical Leave Me Alone Now cues by others of his like. Keeps taunting like a naughty spoiled child. I have since had him either in stall or out alone where sometimes he can see other horses and sometimes not. He has gone for 3 days at a time in the field not eating, just running, running, looking more like a greyhound than a horse, but in the evening at least he gets hay and water, the only times I think he ingests anything (because his buddy is also in the barn, but not too close).

ALL THIS TO SAY THAT all this time I thought it was ME. That EYE was not a good horseperson. EYE was not confident or knowledgeable or capable. ME. And because Happy was such a drain on me, I ignored the other gentleman in my life (a lot of things in fact, in my life) because I kept trying to understand how I could fail so incredibly miserably. But once I began working with Louie, even though he had some of the same field-lazy habits that any horse seemed to develop, he came around within two days to understanding what I wanted from him. I tried the same behavioural stimuli with the other horses on the property. They all responded well too.



It was then I realized I had been duped, perhaps only by my own mind, but now understood I AM FINE. I AM A GOOD HORSEPERSON. HAVE MANY SKILLS. AM VERY CONFIDENT and capable and respectable by the equine community. Where else has this translated?!? How about in YOUR life? How many times have we banged our heads against the brick wall that is/was our partner/co-human anytime, anywhere, with our child, with some systems that don't seem to work no matter what we do??? Fortunately for me, I had/have another being to tell me "Yes! I get it. I understand your communication" to know that I wasn't just an equinary idiot. When even strangers are nicer to us than our (fill-in-the-blanks: family, lover, friends even) and respond to our very socially clear cues and conversation, then we finally can understand that MAYBE IT ISN'T US!! just the combination of 'usses' at the time. With Happy, I'm investigating the fact he may have been improperly imprinted, on human OR beast, and has a mental state akin to being autistic. I don't hate him or abuse him, but I do demand his concern for my personal safety while we figure it all out. We still have loving moments together.

A big AHA for a small matter. But that's how it works, these fractals. Atoms look like galaxies and systems behave similarly, quantum and universal. All of our answers are right there in front of us, in a drop of water, a flower petal, a puff of wind. Waiting for us to listen, to see. No gurus need be involved, simplicity is where you find it.

I'll leave you with a fave quote of mine, from Kung Fu - "When you cease to strive to understand, then you will know... without understanding."

Peace, honeys
<3