Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dashboard Confessional.



He goes by many names.
Here, especially, he's Wind In His Tail. His registered name is Joe Cool, but due to his bloodline I had redubbed him (quite unofficially) War Dancer (coming from - of all beings - Man O War and another later, lovely beast Native Dancer). Due to his extreme personality at times I have renamed him War Child, and at his worst War Criminal. Ha. Otherwise we just call him Happy.

Yes, literally, he has a smiley on his shoulder. And you've probably already seen the heart on his butt. He does have a LOT of heart, a big one, but that belies his nature to misbehave at any opportunity. Recently I've had an opportunity to take him camping and riding with some friends and, during his refresher courses, he has demonstrated his more apt moniker, Demon Child.

Not only has he fractured one of J's fingers by getting the leadrope tangled and jerking him about, he has many times pounded us on the top of our noggins with his steely chin, shouldered us into walls, posts, and other such, but the last in this string was him beginning to paw the ground (just being haltered in the stall was evidently an outrage) except the top of my hoof - sorry, my VERY human FOOT - directly in the path of the downward forceful strike.

So ONCE AGAIN I had to face the inevitable decision, as I had already thrice before, to keep or to find a home? Four times have I been thrown by this animal. Once resulted in concussion. My foot has looked like this a few times, one or the other. He acts like a racing stallion the minute I walk in the barn. Tearing back and forth from the outside to the inside stall, barely able to contain himself to be haltered, then it's the circus to the field...

Yes, babies, believe me I don't make it easy for him to act like this. He gets LOTS of ground training, backing up, circles, a few lashes of leadrope across his front legs when he strikes out and rears up.. I have had training, he has had training (and been TERRIFIC) we've done the natural horse-person-ship along with a more agressive (ahem..) Cowboy style (not proud, already told you this is a confessional..) with smacks on the snout for biting me on purpose (I know, I know, they say to never do that!) but if ANY of this worked for ONE SINGLE SECOND don't you think it would have in the last three years?? I've even ridden him around this beautiful property a couple times (he is much, much better under saddle.. riddle me that!?!) and yes, loves to have a job - needs to be doing something, for sure. But time after time, he is just. too. much. for me to handle on a daily basis, so he ends up in the field bugging the other horses.

Yes, he doesn't even treat THEM right. Not responsive to typical Leave Me Alone Now cues by others of his like. Keeps taunting like a naughty spoiled child. I have since had him either in stall or out alone where sometimes he can see other horses and sometimes not. He has gone for 3 days at a time in the field not eating, just running, running, looking more like a greyhound than a horse, but in the evening at least he gets hay and water, the only times I think he ingests anything (because his buddy is also in the barn, but not too close).

ALL THIS TO SAY THAT all this time I thought it was ME. That EYE was not a good horseperson. EYE was not confident or knowledgeable or capable. ME. And because Happy was such a drain on me, I ignored the other gentleman in my life (a lot of things in fact, in my life) because I kept trying to understand how I could fail so incredibly miserably. But once I began working with Louie, even though he had some of the same field-lazy habits that any horse seemed to develop, he came around within two days to understanding what I wanted from him. I tried the same behavioural stimuli with the other horses on the property. They all responded well too.



It was then I realized I had been duped, perhaps only by my own mind, but now understood I AM FINE. I AM A GOOD HORSEPERSON. HAVE MANY SKILLS. AM VERY CONFIDENT and capable and respectable by the equine community. Where else has this translated?!? How about in YOUR life? How many times have we banged our heads against the brick wall that is/was our partner/co-human anytime, anywhere, with our child, with some systems that don't seem to work no matter what we do??? Fortunately for me, I had/have another being to tell me "Yes! I get it. I understand your communication" to know that I wasn't just an equinary idiot. When even strangers are nicer to us than our (fill-in-the-blanks: family, lover, friends even) and respond to our very socially clear cues and conversation, then we finally can understand that MAYBE IT ISN'T US!! just the combination of 'usses' at the time. With Happy, I'm investigating the fact he may have been improperly imprinted, on human OR beast, and has a mental state akin to being autistic. I don't hate him or abuse him, but I do demand his concern for my personal safety while we figure it all out. We still have loving moments together.

A big AHA for a small matter. But that's how it works, these fractals. Atoms look like galaxies and systems behave similarly, quantum and universal. All of our answers are right there in front of us, in a drop of water, a flower petal, a puff of wind. Waiting for us to listen, to see. No gurus need be involved, simplicity is where you find it.

I'll leave you with a fave quote of mine, from Kung Fu - "When you cease to strive to understand, then you will know... without understanding."

Peace, honeys
<3

Monday, May 10, 2010

This.

This little piece of black plastic goes to the back of my phone case, should I want to replace my belt-clip insert with a flat one, so the knob doesn't stick out.

Why is this important? Glad you asked!

Because I had thrown it away after weeks of tossing it from one hiding place to the next, sure that I would never have use for it. And I guess I still don't. But one day it hit me that I wouldn't have the OPTION anymore. After going through my bathroom garbage container like one would go through their computer recycle bin, I realized I had tossed my bath garbage into the curbside container.

Like a second, far more SERIOUS version of the computer recycle bin, yes I unloaded nearly a week's worth of non-recyclables (was only a couple grocery bags, now that I think about it, but still... ew.) - with cotton swabs and produce stickers grossing me out, dust bunnies hopping everywhere on the garage floor, I found it. I decided I was not going to stop rummaging until I did, and so... I did!

Yes, this one seemingly innocuous gesture, as you may have by now guessed by reading ANYTHING I have written in the last year, has led to far greater personal enrichment. Not only did I force myself to endure the yuck that I had to go through, but my hip was out of place, I was hobbling back and forth, the wind was just enough through the door to make a mess to sweep up... all these things I had considered prior to my undertaking, and said hell yeah, it was worth it just to show myself I could accomplish just ONE THING I set my mind to...

That actually led to me accepting a previously turned-down invitation to a dance gathering in the middle of nowhere, at which I had conducted my own baptism, stretched the limits of my compassion to a limitless state, and had a most enlightening time. Many MANY realizations followed that weekend hence, including what it is that I'm doing/not doing that is holding me back from happiness... not just that, but actually trying to FORCE myself into shapes that I just didn't fit.

That was nearly four weeks ago, honeys. As many of you put it, it is good to be out LIVING the life instead of just blogging about it. Not even sure if there are too many of you out there who still read this... I know my most loyal commenters, and thank you SO much, it does really make my day to see you there! And I will continue to check back with you too... but it will be sporadic. I know you understand. Life finally got interesting for me again, and I'm following the bliss where it takes me (with nod to Joseph Campbell).

Some of our mutual bloggers have taken hiates (totally made-up word) hiatuses? or outright changed their pages to begin anew.

Methinks I shall just keep blogging, not every day, or even every week - but once in a blue moon when something like THIS happens.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Last Bite



I've never finished my food
and enjoyed it while I sat

I get up as the last bite is chewed
to take care of this n that.

But this annoying habit is cheated
by saving the first bite for last

Thus, I convince myself to stay seated
until all the chewing's passed!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hot Chicks

It's that time of year, honeys...

and they are EVERYWHERE! can't go into a store without seeing them. Hearing them. MUST LOOK!!! no matter how hard I try to stay focused... So I took pictures to remember them by.

and in case Leghorns aren't your type, I have more bodacious beauties:


They run around the bins like little bugs, get tired, and fall into each other sleeping. Mostly they sleep propping their heads up on their beaks, and I even saw one fall asleep beak-first on top of another chick's head. LMAO. Some look up at me intelligently, wondering...

and here's one after my own hippie heart - not real, but I drive by it now and again and it always makes me smile!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

IF YOU NEED A DOSE OF CUTE AND FURRY


Yes, my horse wears his heart on his ass. Go figure.









Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Grove Girls are OVER



Well, honeys, all things come to their end... a bicker here, unkind action there, and BOOM! one roommate is asked to leave... a month later, I go away for a week to visit my mom in CA and look for work down there, and BAM! the other one moves out. No warning, to me OR the landlord!

It was hard for a long time. Things haven't been going well since November. And both times, before each roommie moved, it was ME, I had said that in order to let peace reign, I would be the one to leave. So here I am, the last Mohican. Wrong tribe, but you get the idea.

A new day dawns.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Stuff of Life


Here it is, honeys...

I unloaded my truck into a big bag, and brought the bag in the house. For a long time it just sat there, then I had a thought... what's in YOUR wallet?? Ha- well, take a look!


From the center, the purple blob you see there is a velvety zip-up hoodie, surrounded by a peach shirt and another grey hoodie. The large blue blob above it is a plush throw, and to the right of that is another blanket.

Going down you'll see my shopping bags (reduce, re-use, recycle!) and to the left of that, the softest towel ever! brown on one side and blue on the other. Going toward the upper left, you'll see a half-drunk bottle of wine, two six-pack carriers, a Round Table Pizza location flyer, and three pairs of shoes... my faux vinyl boots, my suede yellow walkin' shoes, and my blue jellies!!

With a nod to Dena, for once listing items she had in her trunk, I thought this may say something about me if I could only read the items, like tea leaves in the bottom of the mug...

What do you see? I'd like to know!
Thanks!